Yup, we were inspired by the Japanese wedding proposal example and decided to take a look at how Malays in Singapore do it. Basically, the main difference between a Malay wedding proposal and Japanese wedding proposal is that it is done officially by the male's family rather than the male himself. What a relief... Haha... Reduce the expectation of the female and lessen the pressure of the male.
Anyway, allow me to describe the procedure. (Recalled from Malay movies and dramas)
participants
BR: boy's representative (usually the uncle accompanied by the boy's dad)
GF: girl's family (the mum and dad)
setting:
girl's house.
act sequence (translated directly from Malay to English):
GF welcomes BR into the house.
GF: What are your intentions of coming to our humble house?
BR: Ohh, we are here with a request... A big request... We heard that there is a flower in your garden. And we are interested to pick the flower.
GF: I see... Yes, you are right. We do have a flower in our garden. And she has not been pluck just as yet. If you are interested, let me ask the owner of the body first.
GF will go inside the room for awhile to "ask" the girl. (usually the girl is agreeable even before the BR arrive. This is for formality sake)
GF: smiling... The owner agrees.
BR: Praise to God. That is great. If it is no trouble, can we ask how much is the dowry and when should we have the engagement (or wedding depending on the couples). Good things should not be delayed.
GF will state the amount and GF and BR will continue to discuss further on the details.
Rules:
Hmm, the male side has to come to the female side. And if the female did not agree to the marriage, rejection has to be done very tactfully and politely. Example, GF will say, please give my daughter time to think about it and we will get back to you...
Interpretation (in my point of view):
Malays are well-known for being poetic and rather not straight forward. Being too direct is considered impolite. Therefore Malays use imagery to state their intention and in this example, hand in marriage. And Malays being close to nature, used to living in kampungs and all, use natural elements as their imagery, for instance flower.
Also, this example shows the involvement of the two families when big decisions are to be made. It emphasizes the importance of a close relationship in a Malay family. Even though this is not an arranged marriage, and I believed that most likely the male has already unofficially "proposed" to the female, this "speech event" still need to be carried out.
Whether it is carried out in a similar manner is another totally different question. This can be an interesting research topic. As for the method of collecting such data, I would proposed Recall Protocol of newly wedded couples. This would be easier as compared to Field Observation (it could take years to get even 5) or even Role Play (have to role play with the parents?).Nonetheless, it would be interesting to find out whether there is any difference in this speech event now in Singapore. Hmm, another interesting topic of discussion is whether this speech event is unique to Malay culture. Or whether there are similar speech event in the Chinese or Indian Culture.
Wow I find it quite interesting how the imagery of a flower is being used in a Malay marraige proposal. After reading your post, I have a better understanding of how a Malay marriage proposal is being carried out. Indeed speech events help us understand a certain culture better, and also know why certain words are being used.
ReplyDeleteAgree with Zhi Fei. It's a very nice, though very brief, description of the speech event Malay marriage proposal. Certainly something worth studying further.
ReplyDeleteGood job with the description. Indeed I have to agree for most parts.
ReplyDeleteRecently, my parents and some relatives went over to my future sister-in-law's place to carry out the abovementioned practice. When I said I would like to tag along, I was told that this is 'adult's business and children shouldn't be involved'.
Sometimes, when such things happen i.e. me not being able to tag along, i just wonder if such a practice will be inherited to the following generations. Thus far it has for the past few centuries. But with modernisation and (almost)everyone wanting things done fast (especially in Singpore), it would be such a waste if the younger generation will forego such traditions and cultural practices.
Having something recorded be it in the form of pictures, videos or just transcripts (e.g. the post above), it will definitely be useful for our future generations to at least know what happens during this proposal event ...
how insightful! I didnt know they describe the girl as a 'flower' that is not yet plucked. interesting how different races have different marriage proposals.
ReplyDeleteHmm, Malay euphemism at its best.
ReplyDeleteYou'd be surprised that Malay and Japanese cultures have a lot of similarities albeit the different underlying moral values; it doesn't strictly apply to wedding proposals.
Poetic eloquence is a traditional value in Malay, and while it's indirect to some extent, I don't think that it's comparable to the indirectness in Japanese culture. Japanese culture and language is known to be highly complexed, indirectness being one of the main factors.