Men don't get it.

Let me begin this blog post with a typical example of a male and male conversation and male and female conversation(based on my experience).

M1: Where do you want to eat?
M2: How about Canteen C?
M1: Ok.

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: Anywhere.
M: Anywhere? How about Canteen A?
F: Canteen A? Eeeii don't want ah... Not nice.
M: How about Canteen B?
F: I just went there yesterday. Can we go Canteen C instead?
M: Why don't you just tell me you want to go to Canteen C right from the start?
F: :p (smile cheekily)

I don't know whether this conversation sounds familiar to you? But it is certainly something that I encountered when I asked a boy pal or girl pal out for lunch.

Well, from these short examples, we can see the differences between a male to male conversation and male to female conversations. From my deduction, we can see that males are more objective driven. They want it straight, short, and to the point. And we can also see that males tend to take whatever that is being said literally. "Anywhere" would mean anywhere as in, no preference. I guess that would be the way if it is a male to male conversation but WAY NO when conversing with females.

I guess (correct me if I am wrong girls), females tend to be more long winded because they value the conversation more. They like to discuss and reach to a consensus by both party. I guess this may be something they regard as polite as they would want both party to agree to the decision and not want the decision to be just theirs. Maybe, also they are just playing it safe, fearing that if the place they go to is not very nice, then they have to take the blame (maybe... just my thoughts; of course I wouldn't know for sure). Or maybe they just don't know what they want but know what they don't want.

???

At the end of the day, we have to realized that as much as we want to understand the other gender, it is near to impossible to do it. At least that's what I think. As discussed in class, how the different gender thinks and acts are mainly because of the way they are being brought up. Therefore unless we go through the same process of upbringing, we could never see what the other gender is seeing. Boys will always be boys, and girls will always be girls if we don't take account the exceptions.

But what we can learn from this is... to understand that we are different. And always will be. So learn to agree to disagree. And most importantly to respect each others' understandings. Only then we can live peacefully together for MOST parts of our lives. Haha...

You can check this website out for more examples. http://www.simmalieberman.com/articles/maleandfemale.html.



There is an exaggeration with the "sex" in the diagram. It is not suppose to be that large.



Ohh... I can't resist but to include these in this blog post. Haha...

Will You Please?

It is refreshing to learn that how one view politeness differs from one culture to another. All this while I thought that there is one standard to what being polite is. A universal virtue that everyone conforms to.

I always thought that for as long as you follow the "Golden Rule", you are safe. What is the "Golden Rule" you may ask.

The "Golden Rule" is:

1) "Hurt not others with that which pain YOURself" (Udanavarga, v.18)
2) "Treat others as YOU would like them to treat YOU" (Luke 6:31, New English Bible)
3) "Do not do to others what YOU would not want them to do to YOU" (Analects, Book xii, 2)
4) "Let not any any man do unto another any act that He wish not to be done to HIMself by others, knowing it to be painful to HIMself" (Mahabharata, Shanti Parva, cclx.21)
5) "What is hateful to YOURself do not do to your fellow men. That is the whole of Torah" (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbath 31a)

However it is enough? Is the "Golden Rule" enough when interacting with people of different cultures, faiths and beliefs?

After today session, I realized this is not always enough. If you notice, in the "Golden Rule" the main concept or idea is to treat others how YOU want to be treated. Let me emphasize on the YOU here. I supposed in this statement, we assume that YOU and the other share the same orientation and definition of certain virtues. In the case of politeness, we are assuming that what is polite to you is polite to the other. However, as highlighted in the previous session, this is not the case.

So let me propose a variation of the "Golden Rule".

"No man is a believer unless he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself" (Prophet Muhammad SAW)

I guess there are a few interpretations to this. But how I choose to see this to treat others how others want to be treated.

Some virtues are indeed shared universally however not all are the same. Thus the importance of learning other culture, understanding the orientation of others and respecting and being sensitive of other cultures and belief. I guess this is the very reason why this module is so relevant.

Together we shall...

I could not come to class last week. I was feeling unwell. So sorry. I heard there were a few interesting videos shown in class. Too bad I could not watch it. Anyway, from reading the notes and asking around, these are what I have to say about this week's topic.

Cultural Systems. Although we know that there are more than one factor in determining how one communicates with others, we cannot deny that culture is one of the most significant ones. Culture determines how one thinks and believes and therefore acts. From young, one's culture had been introduced and practiced and later on become part of one's identity and self concept.

Tell me if you still recognize this song:

Sama-sama maju ke hadapan

Pandai cari pelajaran

Jaga diri dalam kesihatan

Serta sopan-santun dengan kawan-kawan

Dengan hati bersih serta suci

Sama-sama hormat dan berbudi

Jaga tingkah pemuda-pemudi

Adat dan budaya junjung tinggi

Capailah lekas cita-cita pemudi-pemuda

Supaya kita ada harga di mata dunia

Kalau kita lengah serta lupa

Hidup kita sia-sia

Jiwa besar sihat serta segar

Rajin dengan sabar tentu bahagia

Lemah lembut perangai pemudi

Cergas tangkas wataknya pemuda

Suka rela selalu berbakti

Sikap yang pembela dan berjasa

Capailah nama yang mulia pemudi-pemuda

Rajinlah supaya berjaya semoga bahagia


This song is called... "Semoga Bahagia" (May we be happy). We used to sing this song every children's day. This song has collectivism written all over it. Notice the pronouns used. And the concept that was to be sent across.

Together we progress

Clever at seeking knowledge

Take care of your health

And be courteous to your friends

With a clean and pure heart

We respect and do good to each other

Watch your behaviour, oh youths

Respect and honour your customs and traditions

Quickly reach your goals/dreams, oh youths

So that we'll have our worth, in this world

If we are lazy and forgetful

Our lives are worthless

A big heart and a fresh mind

Hardworking and patience definitely brings success/happiness

Soft-spoken is the lady

Energetic and tenacious is the man

Charitable, always contributing

Having a righteous spirit and doing good

Attain a respectable position, oh youths

Be hardworking so that you will succeed, may you achieve happiness


Even when we are young, we were exposed to such songs to promote collectivism among us. I guess this is essential especially in a multi-cultural Singaporean society. Intra culturally, I believe that the malays, chineses and indians are pretty much in sync with the collectivism idea within their society. It is the inter-cultural collectivism that is the main focus.

Thus...





Get the idea?