Final Post

I am going to keep this one short. Not that my previous posts are long just that maybe this is is shorter.

Anyway, this is how I feel about the Module.

Let me begin with the reasons why I took this Module. Partly, I say again partly, it was because the Module has no Mid Term Tests and No Examinations. Secondly, there was only once a week session and thirdly I can SU the Module. Haha...

The other part of the reason was also because I thought the Module is interesting. I took a couple of communication Module before in my previous semesters and I realized something about communication. Communication with others have to be catered to the people we are communicating with. We have to tweak how we talk to one person and tweak it again when talking to another person. And I believe that to tweak best to suite one's optimal adjustment (to put it in technical terms) is to understand his orientation. And what more can influence one's orientation other than his CULTURE.

Thus, this Module. Cross Cultural Communication and Discourse.

This Module achieved its purpose. I believed. It was an eye opener. I think we all know that how one culture think differs from another. But to discuss about it and to know a little bit more about these differences and why there are these differences in the first place is really fascinating.

The project also gave me a first hand experience of studying my own culture. It forces me to be more observant to how people interact and react to one another. And it also forces me to think why certain acts are done in certain way. Only when you understand your own culture then you can appreciate the cultures of others.

Overall, I have benefited from the Modules. And I do agree that blogging can strengthen your understanding of concepts and allows you to know the perspective of others. I have made new friends and I enjoyed the little interactions in class.

Thank you Dr Deng. Thank you All for the pleasant experience.

Mediated... Really???

Computer Mediated Communication (CMC). It is interesting to note the CMC uses the word ''mediated" to connect computer and communication. As defined in the dictionary, to mediate is to occupy an intermediate or middle position or form a connecting link or stage between two others. Thus the proper use of this word. Interestingly, mediate also means to act between parties with a view to reconciling differences.

Why do I find this interesting you might ask... Well, I believed that computer can indeed mediate (act between parties with a view to reconcilling differences) an argument. I think that when there is a dispute between two persons, CMC may be a better alternative than confronting face to face with one another. This is because, CMC allows the person to think before the message is being conveyed and to a certain extent this can prevent one from saying things out of anger and something that they don't mean. CMC may also promote clearer understanding of what is being discussed as they can refer to what is being said previously and not side track.

Having said that, the use of the word mediated may also be ironical. More than often, CMC does not really mediate an argument but may be the cause of the argument. Unless, what is intended to be said is transmitted clearly and received clearly, misunderstanding bound to happen. In my opinion, this may be so primarily because of the lack of non-verbal behaviours as hints to how one is feeling.

So, let me conclude that CMC is like a double edge sword. And we should be careful with CMC. At the end of the day, be it CMC or face to face communication, what is important is that what to be transmitted should be received as clearly as possible... If there is even such a thing.

Men don't get it.

Let me begin this blog post with a typical example of a male and male conversation and male and female conversation(based on my experience).

M1: Where do you want to eat?
M2: How about Canteen C?
M1: Ok.

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: Anywhere.
M: Anywhere? How about Canteen A?
F: Canteen A? Eeeii don't want ah... Not nice.
M: How about Canteen B?
F: I just went there yesterday. Can we go Canteen C instead?
M: Why don't you just tell me you want to go to Canteen C right from the start?
F: :p (smile cheekily)

I don't know whether this conversation sounds familiar to you? But it is certainly something that I encountered when I asked a boy pal or girl pal out for lunch.

Well, from these short examples, we can see the differences between a male to male conversation and male to female conversations. From my deduction, we can see that males are more objective driven. They want it straight, short, and to the point. And we can also see that males tend to take whatever that is being said literally. "Anywhere" would mean anywhere as in, no preference. I guess that would be the way if it is a male to male conversation but WAY NO when conversing with females.

I guess (correct me if I am wrong girls), females tend to be more long winded because they value the conversation more. They like to discuss and reach to a consensus by both party. I guess this may be something they regard as polite as they would want both party to agree to the decision and not want the decision to be just theirs. Maybe, also they are just playing it safe, fearing that if the place they go to is not very nice, then they have to take the blame (maybe... just my thoughts; of course I wouldn't know for sure). Or maybe they just don't know what they want but know what they don't want.

???

At the end of the day, we have to realized that as much as we want to understand the other gender, it is near to impossible to do it. At least that's what I think. As discussed in class, how the different gender thinks and acts are mainly because of the way they are being brought up. Therefore unless we go through the same process of upbringing, we could never see what the other gender is seeing. Boys will always be boys, and girls will always be girls if we don't take account the exceptions.

But what we can learn from this is... to understand that we are different. And always will be. So learn to agree to disagree. And most importantly to respect each others' understandings. Only then we can live peacefully together for MOST parts of our lives. Haha...

You can check this website out for more examples. http://www.simmalieberman.com/articles/maleandfemale.html.



There is an exaggeration with the "sex" in the diagram. It is not suppose to be that large.



Ohh... I can't resist but to include these in this blog post. Haha...

Will You Please?

It is refreshing to learn that how one view politeness differs from one culture to another. All this while I thought that there is one standard to what being polite is. A universal virtue that everyone conforms to.

I always thought that for as long as you follow the "Golden Rule", you are safe. What is the "Golden Rule" you may ask.

The "Golden Rule" is:

1) "Hurt not others with that which pain YOURself" (Udanavarga, v.18)
2) "Treat others as YOU would like them to treat YOU" (Luke 6:31, New English Bible)
3) "Do not do to others what YOU would not want them to do to YOU" (Analects, Book xii, 2)
4) "Let not any any man do unto another any act that He wish not to be done to HIMself by others, knowing it to be painful to HIMself" (Mahabharata, Shanti Parva, cclx.21)
5) "What is hateful to YOURself do not do to your fellow men. That is the whole of Torah" (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbath 31a)

However it is enough? Is the "Golden Rule" enough when interacting with people of different cultures, faiths and beliefs?

After today session, I realized this is not always enough. If you notice, in the "Golden Rule" the main concept or idea is to treat others how YOU want to be treated. Let me emphasize on the YOU here. I supposed in this statement, we assume that YOU and the other share the same orientation and definition of certain virtues. In the case of politeness, we are assuming that what is polite to you is polite to the other. However, as highlighted in the previous session, this is not the case.

So let me propose a variation of the "Golden Rule".

"No man is a believer unless he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself" (Prophet Muhammad SAW)

I guess there are a few interpretations to this. But how I choose to see this to treat others how others want to be treated.

Some virtues are indeed shared universally however not all are the same. Thus the importance of learning other culture, understanding the orientation of others and respecting and being sensitive of other cultures and belief. I guess this is the very reason why this module is so relevant.

Together we shall...

I could not come to class last week. I was feeling unwell. So sorry. I heard there were a few interesting videos shown in class. Too bad I could not watch it. Anyway, from reading the notes and asking around, these are what I have to say about this week's topic.

Cultural Systems. Although we know that there are more than one factor in determining how one communicates with others, we cannot deny that culture is one of the most significant ones. Culture determines how one thinks and believes and therefore acts. From young, one's culture had been introduced and practiced and later on become part of one's identity and self concept.

Tell me if you still recognize this song:

Sama-sama maju ke hadapan

Pandai cari pelajaran

Jaga diri dalam kesihatan

Serta sopan-santun dengan kawan-kawan

Dengan hati bersih serta suci

Sama-sama hormat dan berbudi

Jaga tingkah pemuda-pemudi

Adat dan budaya junjung tinggi

Capailah lekas cita-cita pemudi-pemuda

Supaya kita ada harga di mata dunia

Kalau kita lengah serta lupa

Hidup kita sia-sia

Jiwa besar sihat serta segar

Rajin dengan sabar tentu bahagia

Lemah lembut perangai pemudi

Cergas tangkas wataknya pemuda

Suka rela selalu berbakti

Sikap yang pembela dan berjasa

Capailah nama yang mulia pemudi-pemuda

Rajinlah supaya berjaya semoga bahagia


This song is called... "Semoga Bahagia" (May we be happy). We used to sing this song every children's day. This song has collectivism written all over it. Notice the pronouns used. And the concept that was to be sent across.

Together we progress

Clever at seeking knowledge

Take care of your health

And be courteous to your friends

With a clean and pure heart

We respect and do good to each other

Watch your behaviour, oh youths

Respect and honour your customs and traditions

Quickly reach your goals/dreams, oh youths

So that we'll have our worth, in this world

If we are lazy and forgetful

Our lives are worthless

A big heart and a fresh mind

Hardworking and patience definitely brings success/happiness

Soft-spoken is the lady

Energetic and tenacious is the man

Charitable, always contributing

Having a righteous spirit and doing good

Attain a respectable position, oh youths

Be hardworking so that you will succeed, may you achieve happiness


Even when we are young, we were exposed to such songs to promote collectivism among us. I guess this is essential especially in a multi-cultural Singaporean society. Intra culturally, I believe that the malays, chineses and indians are pretty much in sync with the collectivism idea within their society. It is the inter-cultural collectivism that is the main focus.

Thus...





Get the idea?

Write properly?

It is an interesting fact to note that different cultures adopt different writing styles. The English, as linear and direct and the orientals as circular and therefore not to the point.

But I wonder... What makes one culture writes differently from another? In the Arabic writing for example, Kaplan and Ostler suggested that the Arabic writing style is mainly influenced by the forms of classical Arabic that was found in the Quran. They gave me this impression that culture plays a very significant role in determining how one writes. But is this really the case? I am not an expert in Arabic so I can't really say much on this.

Nevertheless, I did studied classical , pre world war and post world war up to modern Malay texts back in my JC days. I even have to translate classical Malay to modern Malay during exams. Haha...

One thing I noticed, was that the writting styles were all different from one another. So much different. Even though all of the texts were written in Malay by Malays themselves but in different time frame, words usage, the style of language used, sentence structures, paragraphing and content were all different. If this is so, how can I say that culture determine how one writes?

I believe that there are other factors other than culture itself that influence how one writes. Time frame, objective and purpose of writing, language competency are some of the factors that I can list.

With that, let me end this blog post with...

Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II

Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set
On the fair daughter of rich Capulet:
As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine;
And all combined, save what thou must combine
By holy marriage: when and where and how
We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow,
I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray,
That thou consent to marry us to-day.

-William Shakespeare

This English man is never linear is he?

Hello, k, selamat...

This week topic was on spoken discourse. Opening and closing of phone call as well as the style of narration was being discussed in class. It was interesting to note that different cultures have different opening and closing of phone calls and how one narrates vary from others.

I would like to share with you (based on my experience) a typical Malay Muslim phone call, focusing on the opening and closing of course. Maybe there are some similarities or differences to the ones discussed in class. We shall see...

Opening of phone call:

Ringgg... Ringgg...

A: Assalamualaikum (Peace be upon you)
C: Waalaikum salam (Peace be upon you too)
A: Kau kat mana ni? (Where are you?)
C: Aku kat rumah ah... Ada apa? (I am at home. What's up)
A: Ohh, aku nak tanya... (Ohh, I want to ask...)

My interpretation of the opening:
A typical Malay Muslim phone conversation begins with the "salam". Context wise, a "salam" is similar to a hello. However, it has a deeper meaning than that. It is not just a hey or hi, rather it is a prayer of the other person's well being. The "salam" is offered not just in phone calls. Even when two Muslims meet, they exchange the "salam".

Usually if not always, a typical Malay Muslim phone conversation will have the "where" question after the "salam". I guess knowing the location of the other person, the caller can derive and understand the situation the person is in and consider whether it is the right time or place to convey what is it to be conveyed.

Just from the few lines above, I believe, we can see that Malay Muslim are emphasized more on the people relation rather than being objective driven. They tend to analyze the situation first before stating their request or intention.

Closing of phone call:

silence...
C: hmm, ok lah... aku nak kena jalan (aite, I got to go)
A: hmm ok. aku pun (me too)
C: jumpa kau besok (see you tomorrow)
A: k, k... selamat ah (ok, good bye)
C: selamat (good bye)

From what I noticed, the cue to end the phone call is the long (approximately 5 seconds) silence from both the caller and callee... And usually after that would be the "i gtg" speech. And phone conversation end with the "selamat". I belietve that Malay Muslim prefer to excuse themselves by stating that they have to do something else. This is more to "jaga hati" (care for other feelings). And the terminal exchange used is "selamat" which literally means safe. "Selamat" is the shorter version of "selamat jalan" (safe going away) and "selamat tinggal" (safe left behind). Maybe it is confusing to identify who is going and who is leaving in a phone conversation, and so "selamat" is adapted.

Yet again, we can see the emphasis on the people well being. Then again, this is one example and more studies should be done to understand the orientation of the Malay Muslims. Also, gender may have an effect on this matter as well even though the race and religion are the same. Hmm, something that I can look into...

Will You Marry Our Son???

Hmm, speech event. During the last class, my group and I discussed on a speech event however due to time constraint, we did not get to present our discussion in class. Nevertheless, it provided me with more time to think about it further and I present to you our description of a particular speech event... Malays wedding proposal.

Yup, we were inspired by the Japanese wedding proposal example and decided to take a look at how Malays in Singapore do it. Basically, the main difference between a Malay wedding proposal and Japanese wedding proposal is that it is done officially by the male's family rather than the male himself. What a relief... Haha... Reduce the expectation of the female and lessen the pressure of the male.

Anyway, allow me to describe the procedure. (Recalled from Malay movies and dramas)

participants
BR: boy's representative (usually the uncle accompanied by the boy's dad)
GF: girl's family (the mum and dad)

setting:
girl's house.

act sequence (translated directly from Malay to English):

GF welcomes BR into the house.

GF: What are your intentions of coming to our humble house?
BR: Ohh, we are here with a request... A big request... We heard that there is a flower in your garden. And we are interested to pick the flower.
GF: I see... Yes, you are right. We do have a flower in our garden. And she has not been pluck just as yet. If you are interested, let me ask the owner of the body first.

GF will go inside the room for awhile to "ask" the girl. (usually the girl is agreeable even before the BR arrive. This is for formality sake)

GF: smiling... The owner agrees.
BR: Praise to God. That is great. If it is no trouble, can we ask how much is the dowry and when should we have the engagement (or wedding depending on the couples). Good things should not be delayed.

GF will state the amount and GF and BR will continue to discuss further on the details.

Rules:
Hmm, the male side has to come to the female side. And if the female did not agree to the marriage, rejection has to be done very tactfully and politely. Example, GF will say, please give my daughter time to think about it and we will get back to you...

Interpretation (in my point of view):
Malays are well-known for being poetic and rather not straight forward. Being too direct is considered impolite. Therefore Malays use imagery to state their intention and in this example, hand in marriage. And Malays being close to nature, used to living in kampungs and all, use natural elements as their imagery, for instance flower.

Also, this example shows the involvement of the two families when big decisions are to be made. It emphasizes the importance of a close relationship in a Malay family. Even though this is not an arranged marriage, and I believed that most likely the male has already unofficially "proposed" to the female, this "speech event" still need to be carried out.

Whether it is carried out in a similar manner is another totally different question. This can be an interesting research topic. As for the method of collecting such data, I would proposed Recall Protocol of newly wedded couples. This would be easier as compared to Field Observation (it could take years to get even 5) or even Role Play (have to role play with the parents?).

Nonetheless, it would be interesting to find out whether there is any difference in this speech event now in Singapore. Hmm, another interesting topic of discussion is whether this speech event is unique to Malay culture. Or whether there are similar speech event in the Chinese or Indian Culture.

Power lah you

Recalled compliments in the pass few weeks:
1) You pass IPPT! Power lah you.
2) Don't worry, sure can pass one... You so smart.
3) Hey you got lots of money ah, can you lend me some?
4) Nice... Very nice. But this one must change abit.

After the lecture, I started thinking about how much I have complimented people. Not that much apparently. All I can recalled is 4 and I recalled them very vaguely. While the understanding of how one perceive compliments vary from one culture to another, how one performs it is also diverse.

We have seen in the lecture that compliments in English follows a certain syntatic patterns. This got me thinking even more. Is this how I compliment someone?

1) Noun is/looks (really) Adjective
2) I (really) like/love Noun
3) Pronoun is (really) a Adjective Noun

Hmm... I don't think I can categorize my compliments in any of the 3. Maybe the 'you so smart' came close but the rest are not.

Maybe it's the English we use daily in Singapore that cause this variance from this syntatic. Maybe it's Singlish, with lots of lahs and ahs that made us different in terms of how we structure our compliments? Or maybe we compliment because we have an ulterior motives behind our compliments and that's why we structure the compliments as they are.

1) You pass IPPT! Power lah you. -------------> wow, amazing didn't know he can do that
2) Don't worry, sure can pass one... You so smart. ---> i hope he feels better and try again
3) Hey you got lots of money ah, can you lend me some? ---> i need money, please help
4) Nice... Very nice. But this one must change abit. ----> praise 1st then criticize

Food for thoughts: Maybe the motives or the reason behind why we compliment plays a part in how we structured our compliments...



As long as we compliment for the right reasons...